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June 29, 2021

The World Reacts to Possible UFOs

Actual story in The Wall Street Journal:

"UFO Report Says ‘Unidentified Aerial Phenomena’ Defy Worldly Explanation

"Propulsion and technology in some cases exceed present-day scientific knowledge, U.S. officials say"

Anticipated world reaction:

Fox News: This is the entirely foreseeable result of the welcome mat Biden has extended to aliens.

CNN: Another toxic legacy of the Trump administration’s ant-science policy surfaces to challenge the new administration.

@realdonaldtrump (if he were allowed to tweet): Now we can see who helped Sleepy Joe steal the election.

Washington Post: Anonymous sources confirm that aliens are here only to witness Jeff Bezos’ historic space flight.

Elon Musk: Their technology is braindead.

Pres. Biden: We are proposing another $5 trillion in spending to prevent panic.

Mitch McConnell: Maintaining the filibuster will prevent panic.

Dr. Fauci: I would have informed Americans of this risk earlier but I was afraid they’d stop wearing masks.

World Health Organization: There is no evidence that there is a risk of airborne contagion. We are seeking permission from the visitors to investigate further.

OAC: The very term “alien” is degrading and another example of toxic white masculinity.

The New York Times: A scientific consensus is emerging that POOW (People of Other Worlds) have been attracted by the buildup of greenhouse gasses in the atmosphere.

Proud Boys: The Jewish conspiracy is galatic (sic).

Antifa: Disarm the police.

Andrew Cuomo: Despite allegations to the contrary, I wouldn’t touch them with a ten-foot pole.

Spokewoman for Israeli Defense Forces: The IDF will respond overwhelmingly to any provocation.

Iranian Ayatollah: The American and Israeli butchers must be made to pay a steep price.

Pres. Putin: The chemists of the KGB have prepared an antidote.

Anonymous hacker: NOTICE TO ALIENS: DO NOT TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER. YOUR ROUTE HOME HAS BEEN ENCRYTED. IMMEDIATE PAYMENT IN BITCOIN IS REQUIRED.

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